you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are the jesus of drinking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
