he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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