dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
