Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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