I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize