I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
