Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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