Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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