she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
