i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
