He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
