Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
