I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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