My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
