You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
