Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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