He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
