You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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