we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
