I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
