I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize