Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize