and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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