you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
