This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
