How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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