It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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