she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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