I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm at about main and main street
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
