First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
