; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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