apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
