erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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