i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize