Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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