The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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