I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
