Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
