Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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