Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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