my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
MIDGETS
????
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
