I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
