new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i believe in u and ur pee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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