So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
