Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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