When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
