i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize