my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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