so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
