I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
