addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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