Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
