id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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