I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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