My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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