I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
