The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
