Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
