he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
