How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
