I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
