dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
