all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
