i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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