I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
