Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
