I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
