i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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