my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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