I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
