He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
