highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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